I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
