I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
