Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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