it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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