Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
