So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
