You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
