don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
