1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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