yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
