I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
