I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I came so hard my ears popped.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
