why didn't you poke me back
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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