apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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