Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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