We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
