Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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