There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
