She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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