We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize