fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
