I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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