He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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