I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
