it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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