i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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