i would punch a child for taco bell
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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