when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
