So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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