I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
