then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
