I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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