It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
