If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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