BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
