OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
