I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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