Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
