and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
