mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
