community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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