i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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