Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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