I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
