can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize