Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
