a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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