I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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