I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize