Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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