Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
