I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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