So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
