I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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