I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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