he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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