i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
