i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
