No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
