I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize