careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
