I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.