I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
