i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
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last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?