My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...