If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
