I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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