she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
