It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize