sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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