I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
