Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
